The Glass

It is half empty? Or half full? I have no freaking clue. I am staring at a glass of water right now (I’m trying to drink less soda). I go from “it’s half empty” to “no it’s half full.” Truth is that I am a “half empty” person who wants desperately to be a “half full” person. Sure I can decide (and I do sometimes) that it is half full and that’s that. Just like that. I have decided and therefore it will be so. But it’s not. Not deep inside. Deep in my dark places where truth reins, I know that I truly don’t believe it. I can put on that pink t-shirt and sunny disposition but it’s a lie. And therefore it’s impossible for me to live it. ARGH!

The waitress has come and filled my glass. Now it’s full because someone else has added to my half empty glass. Clearly if I were home I could have filled my own glass. But would I have done it? I guess if I was thirsty enough. Enough. But it does bring up an interesting thought: For us glass half empty people, are we only capable of feeling full if someone else has filled the rest of our glass?

I’m married to a glass half full person and it’s infuriating sometimes. But thank goodness it's so, because without that there would never be any water at my house. I do understand that for me to really be happy I have to do it for myself and that is a very scary thought. Don’t get me wrong- I love my life. Well now that just sounds trite as I sit here musing about happy. My life is not the problem. In fact I have a pretty charmed life. My family and I are healthy. I love and am well loved. So what the F do I have to complain about? Life is good. The problem is me. Crap.

Today I’m choosing to “look on the bright side of life.”