I Keep Score

I keep score. I hate math but keep count on things- nothing important like spending or God forbid a budget.  But things like how many good days vs. bad. How many times I have said I love you today vs. heard it. Ounces of water vs. ounces of Coke. How many times my daughter has referred to herself in third person as "the princess" vs. her brother calling her "the girl".  Sex vs. No Sex. You get it.  I have a running count daily until I get to 100 and then I figure out the percentages... Life is good if the count is in the 90's and not if less. It's stupid I know. And worst I can't remember when it started or why but these are the numbers by which I live. A barometer of sorts. OCD perhaps. Balance hopefully.

Sometimes this seemingly happy meter bites me in the ass, because I get so stressed out about making my numbers that it becomes an olympic sport and pisses all those around me- especially my beloved. So in taking my baby steps towards actually surviving happy- as of today I will no longer see it as a sign that my marriage is coming to an end because "someone" didn't put toothpaste on my toothbrush two nights in a row and fell asleep before I turned off the light for the third time this week.

It's not the end of the world, right? We have been through richer and poorer and sickness and health. I can do this. But if there is no toothpaste tomorrow we may have to have a chat.